Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pappa wants mamma naked
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
