remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
