Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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