You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
