We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
