Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I looked at my own cervix.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize