I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
