She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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