Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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