those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
