Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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