u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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