I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
