My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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