If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
