Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
