btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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