Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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