I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
