I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
