I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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