Welp...herpes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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