1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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