I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
