I think I won the penis lottery.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
