What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
