Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
