So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
