I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
