We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
