I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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