woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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