I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
