he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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