i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
