We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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