we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
