Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
