Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
