I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
