Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
