Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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