Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
