Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
