even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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