is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
