just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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