it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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