I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
