I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
FUCK WHALES
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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