I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize