Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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