put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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