i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
