Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
