It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
