It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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