It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
