i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My cat gives me a boner
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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