my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
