Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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