: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
