Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
