fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
