It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
