there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
