sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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