i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
