the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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