you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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