Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I smell stomach acid.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Still dying that you shit outside
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
