Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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