Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
