drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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