I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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