dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just threw up on my dentist
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
