Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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