Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize