he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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