Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
